The last four days or so have been particularly busy and stressful for me, due to a combination of heavy university work and volunteering commitments. Since I hadn't had a day-off for a few weeks, I felt the strain more than I usually do: consequently, yesterday afternoon and evening I showed some of my traits. I had trouble keeping eye contact with people, and stood by myself a few times even though I was with a group on an outing. In the evening I jerky-slapped a few times and covered my ears for a few minutes when the heating turned itself on: the sound bothered me much more than usual then.
We have a toy hamster in our house: Dad bought it for me in the market one day, saying that he felt that I needed a pet at uni. Consequently the hamster, Susie, lives in a hamster wheel on the kitchen table, and by turning on a switch, she 'runs' on the hamster wheel using small wheels in the place of paws.
The point of that story is that my stress levels got quite high, and I ended up at the kitchen table spinning the wheel with my finger (Susie was on the table). It wasn't an absent-minded spinning, it was something I really focused on: hardly anything mattered but keeping this wheel spinning. It made me feel a bit more content, if not much less stressed. I don't really know how best to describe how wonderful spinning an object (sometimes including myself) can make me feel: in a way it feels good that there is something constant, unchanging, and that I have the power to make it stay spinning at the same speed. Spinning objects is something that nowadays I tend to do only when I'm very stressed: on occasion I'll indulge myself to take a few moments to spin a pen on the table. Maybe it helps because there's only one thing to focus on, whereas when I'm tired and stressed I feel overwhelmed by seeing and hearing so many things at once in the world around me.
It was at this point that Cat persuaded me to go to bed and get some sleep. I felt better today, but still had to take a few minutes to myself from a group lunch: admittedly most of the people I'd never met before, which is always daunting and draining for me. Still, I'm feeling a lot better now, although I think a good night's sleep is in order!
Sunday 23 October 2011
Monday 17 October 2011
Waiting for Draft 2
I got a reply from the psychologist, thanking me for the comments on her first draft of the assessment, and saying that she'd send me the next draft as soon as she could. I was hoping that this would be done sooner, mainly so that I could have evidence when telling my personal tutor that I have Asperger's. I've arranged to see him tomorrow to talk about module options for this year (I'd ideally like to do 5 this term and 1 next term whereas the usual balance is 3-3 or sometimes 4-2, so I'll run my thoughts past him and see what he thinks), and I'll mention as well about my Asperger's. I think it's important to know. That said, when I told him about my depression, he said that he wouldn't make a note of it, although I could apply for an extension on coursework if need be. I almost applied for one at the end of my first term in second year - I was feeling down and stressed about some things that I don't want to go into on this blog - but my stubbornness meant that I tried to get all the work done without an extension. I did manage, but my work did suffer, so I should be less stubborn in future and recognise my limits.
I went off on a tangent just then - I'll leave it in though, even though it doesn't relate to what I aimed to say in this post.
Hopefully the revised report will come soon.
I went off on a tangent just then - I'll leave it in though, even though it doesn't relate to what I aimed to say in this post.
Hopefully the revised report will come soon.
Monday 10 October 2011
Draft report of the assessment
I had my assessment last Saturday: yesterday I was sent a draft copy of my report by the psychologist. I read it fairly quickly then (I was visiting my parents at the time and didn't really have the time to sit down and read it carefully), and today I had a closer look. Overall it seems accurate enough: I won't copy and paste the whole thing, but I'll highlight bits and pieces that matter most to me.
"Catherine reports that she does not find it easy to join in with a conversation and can struggle to follow the flow, especially if she is in a noisy environment. She feels that she is not good at making ‘small talk’."
I think I've mentioned before in this blog that I have trouble starting conversations - apologies to anyone who feels that they always have to be the one to start talking. And in loud places such as the pub, or just when there're lots of conversations going on around me - I'll admit that sometimes I lose track of what's being said.
"She can struggle to know when family members and colleagues are trying to give her helpful advice and can become angry and defensive – often feeling that people are picking on her. She often perceives advice as criticism."
I think that this is one of my greatest flaws. I truly am sorry to anyone who's been offended (and rightly so) by my response to what I later recognise as advice. I'm too proud in some respects to accept that others know better than me what I should do.
"Currently Catherine enjoys playing the Sims on her computer and can sometimes become absorbed in a game for long periods of time."
'Long periods of time' can go up to a few hours - sometimes half a day has gone by without me realising it. Sometimes people come to talk to me when I'm gaming/reading and if I'm truly absorbed I just won't notice they're there. It happens less often now than when I was a child or teen, which I see as a mixed blessing: on the one hand I'm more in the 'real world' and am aware of what's happening around me, on the other hand it takes more conscious concentration to focus on said book or game.
"Catherine stated that she would become very angry if she had planned and activity and it was suddenly cancelled."
I'm glad that this is only a draft: my parents and I agreed that I do not get angry when plans change. Also, typing error on 'and'. Anyway, Mum said that I get upset when plans change, Dad said stressed; I'd go more for 'troubled'. But not angry: I certainly like to think that I'm not an angry person!
"If she was on her own, she would probably eat the same food every day."
Yet another thing that I'd rephrase: I would eat the same thing every day, if I weren't aware of how damaging that could be to my health in terms of lack of nutrition. When I am on my own, I try to get the food groups relatively balanced.
"Catherine should take extra care drinking hot liquids and should set water temperature lower to avoid the sensation of being too hot in the bath or shower. She should ensure that pathways are clear of objects that could be tripped over. "
Common sense, much?
"She should make notes and use highlighter pens and ask for verbal information to be provided in written form."
Mum often gives me a to-do list in written form: if somebody tells me to do something and I don't have written instructions, chances are I'll either make a mistake somewhere, or forget entirely. So this is useful for others to know, when there's more than one thing to do. I don't need a written to-do list for every small thing!
"Using a bath mitt, loofah sponge or textured flannel may help to become more accustomed to different sensory experiences, as can having a deep pressure massage."
Can I just say, this sounds like my idea of torture. I'm not so sensitive that I can't be touched and hugged, so why do I need to put myself through this?
"Catherine may find that a rocking chair could prove calming."
Rocking chairs are amazing. I can rock without one, though - although I only tend to do that when I'm certain that I'm on my own.
"Catherine should endeavour to incorporate breaks and time-out into her daily routine. In group discussions she may find answering questions helps to maintain focus."
I would also find that answering questions puts the focus of a group on me, which I tend to dislike.
"It may help others to understand Catherine better if she was able to explain need for personal distance and minimal touching."
See, if I tell people that, I fear that I won't be touched at all. And I'd hate that. I love hugs, and pats on the shoulder etc - if I expect them. When a nurse 'reassuringly' shook my shoulders during an appointment regarding my asthma this summer, it caught me by surprise, and I disliked it. When friends hug me, or (thinking how to phrase this in a non-dodgy way) other casual contact occurs, I like it. So for me, minimal touching isn't the issue - but touching without letting me know first is.
"Finally, it is important to acknowledge and accept Catherine’s need for time alone away from the crowd."
If you can think of a socially-acceptable way of escaping from a crowd for a while, please do let me know!
"At times during the Vocabulary sub-test, it seemed as if Catherine knew what a word meant but struggled to find the words to describe it. She is aware of this word-finding difficulty in her day to day life."
In a way it's as though the words are hidden away, and I have to search to find them, even though I understand word meanings fairly well. Imagine I ask you to describe an apple: in your mind you probably picture the fruit, then describe it with words. I sometimes have trouble finding the words that relate to the picture, if that makes sense.
"After careful consideration of all of the evidence gathered and following discussion with Catherine and her parents, it appears that she does have significant difficulties in the areas of social communication, social interaction and flexibility of thought and would, therefore, meet ICD10 criteria for a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome."
Result!
"However, it is important to note, that in common with many young women with this type of difficulty, Catherine has learned how to behave in a socially appropriate manner and her difficulties are unlikely to be immediately apparent."
Another mixed blessing: I function and adapt well enough, but that can make my faux pas seem unexpected and uncalled for.
There was more to the report than what I've just written about, but these were the more important bits for me. At some point in the next few days I'll write back to the psychologist saying what I think could do with changing (anger at change of plans; same meals; minimal touch). For now, I'll finish the chapter of the book I'm reading ('Sensation and Perception': it's one of our course books) then head to bed.
"Catherine reports that she does not find it easy to join in with a conversation and can struggle to follow the flow, especially if she is in a noisy environment. She feels that she is not good at making ‘small talk’."
I think I've mentioned before in this blog that I have trouble starting conversations - apologies to anyone who feels that they always have to be the one to start talking. And in loud places such as the pub, or just when there're lots of conversations going on around me - I'll admit that sometimes I lose track of what's being said.
"She can struggle to know when family members and colleagues are trying to give her helpful advice and can become angry and defensive – often feeling that people are picking on her. She often perceives advice as criticism."
I think that this is one of my greatest flaws. I truly am sorry to anyone who's been offended (and rightly so) by my response to what I later recognise as advice. I'm too proud in some respects to accept that others know better than me what I should do.
"Currently Catherine enjoys playing the Sims on her computer and can sometimes become absorbed in a game for long periods of time."
'Long periods of time' can go up to a few hours - sometimes half a day has gone by without me realising it. Sometimes people come to talk to me when I'm gaming/reading and if I'm truly absorbed I just won't notice they're there. It happens less often now than when I was a child or teen, which I see as a mixed blessing: on the one hand I'm more in the 'real world' and am aware of what's happening around me, on the other hand it takes more conscious concentration to focus on said book or game.
"Catherine stated that she would become very angry if she had planned and activity and it was suddenly cancelled."
I'm glad that this is only a draft: my parents and I agreed that I do not get angry when plans change. Also, typing error on 'and'. Anyway, Mum said that I get upset when plans change, Dad said stressed; I'd go more for 'troubled'. But not angry: I certainly like to think that I'm not an angry person!
"If she was on her own, she would probably eat the same food every day."
Yet another thing that I'd rephrase: I would eat the same thing every day, if I weren't aware of how damaging that could be to my health in terms of lack of nutrition. When I am on my own, I try to get the food groups relatively balanced.
"Catherine should take extra care drinking hot liquids and should set water temperature lower to avoid the sensation of being too hot in the bath or shower. She should ensure that pathways are clear of objects that could be tripped over. "
Common sense, much?
"She should make notes and use highlighter pens and ask for verbal information to be provided in written form."
Mum often gives me a to-do list in written form: if somebody tells me to do something and I don't have written instructions, chances are I'll either make a mistake somewhere, or forget entirely. So this is useful for others to know, when there's more than one thing to do. I don't need a written to-do list for every small thing!
"Using a bath mitt, loofah sponge or textured flannel may help to become more accustomed to different sensory experiences, as can having a deep pressure massage."
Can I just say, this sounds like my idea of torture. I'm not so sensitive that I can't be touched and hugged, so why do I need to put myself through this?
"Catherine may find that a rocking chair could prove calming."
Rocking chairs are amazing. I can rock without one, though - although I only tend to do that when I'm certain that I'm on my own.
"Catherine should endeavour to incorporate breaks and time-out into her daily routine. In group discussions she may find answering questions helps to maintain focus."
I would also find that answering questions puts the focus of a group on me, which I tend to dislike.
"It may help others to understand Catherine better if she was able to explain need for personal distance and minimal touching."
See, if I tell people that, I fear that I won't be touched at all. And I'd hate that. I love hugs, and pats on the shoulder etc - if I expect them. When a nurse 'reassuringly' shook my shoulders during an appointment regarding my asthma this summer, it caught me by surprise, and I disliked it. When friends hug me, or (thinking how to phrase this in a non-dodgy way) other casual contact occurs, I like it. So for me, minimal touching isn't the issue - but touching without letting me know first is.
"Finally, it is important to acknowledge and accept Catherine’s need for time alone away from the crowd."
If you can think of a socially-acceptable way of escaping from a crowd for a while, please do let me know!
"At times during the Vocabulary sub-test, it seemed as if Catherine knew what a word meant but struggled to find the words to describe it. She is aware of this word-finding difficulty in her day to day life."
In a way it's as though the words are hidden away, and I have to search to find them, even though I understand word meanings fairly well. Imagine I ask you to describe an apple: in your mind you probably picture the fruit, then describe it with words. I sometimes have trouble finding the words that relate to the picture, if that makes sense.
"After careful consideration of all of the evidence gathered and following discussion with Catherine and her parents, it appears that she does have significant difficulties in the areas of social communication, social interaction and flexibility of thought and would, therefore, meet ICD10 criteria for a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome."
Result!
"However, it is important to note, that in common with many young women with this type of difficulty, Catherine has learned how to behave in a socially appropriate manner and her difficulties are unlikely to be immediately apparent."
Another mixed blessing: I function and adapt well enough, but that can make my faux pas seem unexpected and uncalled for.
There was more to the report than what I've just written about, but these were the more important bits for me. At some point in the next few days I'll write back to the psychologist saying what I think could do with changing (anger at change of plans; same meals; minimal touch). For now, I'll finish the chapter of the book I'm reading ('Sensation and Perception': it's one of our course books) then head to bed.
Saturday 1 October 2011
The Assessment
Today was assessment day!
...I'm not sure why I wrote that in such an enthusiastic way. Up until this morning I was having second thoughts about going for the assessment - I went to bed fairly early last night, couldn't sleep, went back downstairs to talk to Cat about my worries about being assessed, then went back to bed and had a very restless night. Finally it was morning: I aimed to leave the house at 8.30am to be there for my 10am appointment, so I got up at 8, had breakfast, then chatted to Cat for a bit before leaving at 8.40. I hopped on a bus, mistakenly got off one stop too early, but still arrived with about 25 minutes to spare. So I kept walking, then turned back and went into the centre 10 minutes early.
The psychologist met me at reception when I entered (I was surprised that I didn't have to wait at all), and once I'd signed in and had been offered tea, we went to a small conference room. There she asked me if I was feeling nervous at all, I truthfully said that I was a little, she asked if it was due to the uncertainty of the assessment, I said that yes it was. Then she started talking me through what we'd be doing: as a psychology student, it was quite interesting. We started off by talking about how I'd be taking the WAIS test for intelligence, which would rate me in terms of separate areas. She said that people with Asperger's tend to be great in some areas but markedly low in others, which should be picked up on. She said that research suggests that the corpus callosum - the part of the brain which connects the two hemispheres - doesn't work as well in people with Asperger's as with the general population, sometimes resulting in a difference in skill levels. She also gave an interesting analogy for Asperger's: she described it as having the same hardware as a typical person, but different software, resulting in different functioning. I wonder more if it's the other way round: that having Asperger's is like trying to run the same software but having different hardware, so it doesn't always work properly and sometimes results in errors. I only thought about this when I got home, though, so wasn't able to share this thought with her.
The first task was block design: I was shown a picture, and had to recreate it with blocks which had all-white faces, all-red faces, and half-white-half-red faces. I used to enjoy playing with tangrams when I was younger, and found this quite easy. After that, I was given two words and asked to say how they were similar, e.g. 'apple' and 'banana'. They got more difficult, and soon I was struggling - I knew there was a difference, but couldn't get it into words very easily. After that I was shown a sequence, and asked to pick the picture that would complete the sequence, e.g. red square-white square-red square-what next? At the end of that task I was told I'd got them all correct, that made me smile. Then I was told to repeat back a string of numbers, from two digits up to nine digits, then to repeat the digits backwards, then to repeat them in numerical order (e.g. 1-2-3). For the next task, I was shown two pictures, and had to indicate if either of them appeared in a sequence of objects: the idea was to see how many of these I could get through in two minutes. Then I was asked to define words - again I had trouble with this, even though I almost always understood what the word meant. Then I was shown a picture of a shape, and asked to pick three smaller shapes (out of six options) that would make up the larger shape when put together. I was then shown a key where the numbers 1-9 related to a picture, and I had to draw the corresponding picture underneath a string of digits - again this was to see how many I could complete in two minutes. After that I was asked some mental maths questions - they were fairly easy - and finally I was asked some general knowledge questions. There were only two of which I had no idea: I hadn't known before that it takes 8 minutes for sunlight to reach the Earth's surface, or that the circumference of the Earth is just shy of 25,000 miles. You live and learn.
After that I filled in a sensory questionnaire, asking me to rate statements relating to my senses from 'almost never' to 'almost always', e.g. 'I enjoy wearing bright-coloured clothing'. I'm quite noise- and touch-sensitive, I'm less overly-taste-sensitive than I was before university, otherwise I think my senses are relatively normal.
Mum and Dad arrived for the second part of the assessment just as I'd finished the sensory questionnaire: we moved to a larger room so that there was enough room for the three of us and the psychologist. Mum had brought the papers from my previous assessments as a 2 and 10 year old, and the first part of the interview was Mum telling the psychologist my history up to this point, with Dad adding details. Then they were both asked specific questions about my behaviour and relationships as a child, as a teenager, and I was asked about my behaviours and perceptions now, with Mum and Dad giving more details and examples. I think this took about an hour and a half or so: it was quite difficult for me to hear what I'd been like when I was younger - I was a very difficult toddler, a difficult and inappropriately-behaved child, and an overly difficult-to-talk-to teenager. I like to think that now I'm a nice person, but it's taken a lot of work to get to this point. Still, as Mum later said, there are times to gloss over the details and say that they don't matter now, and there are times - like during assessments - when the painful (to me) truth needs to be said. What's most difficult is hearing my parents talk about the difficulties I have now: even though I really, really do try to overcome these, part of that involves acknowledging that I have difficulties with some things. My parents worry that because of the way I am, I could be taken advantage of: to be honest the same thought occurs to me, which worries me.
On an interesting note, at one point I was asked what my hobbies were, I included computer gaming. When asked what my favourite game was, I truthfully said The Sims: interestingly, the psychologist said that she'd have bet money that I'd say that. She explained that in the years she's worked with diagnostic services, most of the teenagers and young adults she's met have claimed The Sims to be their favourite game - much like young children claim Thomas the Tank Engine to be their favourite programme. I'd known about young children with Thomas (I for one would insist on watching the same episodes of Thomas over and over, and collected the little model trains and wanted nothing but models of Annie and Clarabel the coaches for my first-day-of-school present), but had never heard anything about young adults with The Sims - that intrigued me. I enjoy The Sims because to me, it's a socially acceptable dolls' house, and I absolutely loved acting out scenarios with my dolls.
At the end of the interview, the psychologist said that she'd support a diagnosis of mild Asperger's: she said that my intelligence has enabled me to find coping strategies, so I should and would be successful in life, and can clearly live independently, although in some areas I will probably need support. She said that she'd write up the report in the next few days and send it to me, and that with it she'd include a detailed report of my strengths and weaknesses based on the interviews and the tests, and also - this I like - a letter to be given to employers/lecturers/support services/etc, saying that I have Asperger's, that these are my strengths and weaknesses, and could they take these into consideration. Mum said that this is what she'd wanted most for me - that I'd have something to show employers, since I'll most likely have some sort of difficulty in the workplace with coworkers or understanding instructions, to say that there's a reason for my oddities. I think it could be useful to take to university, to show that there's a reason that I can't always express my thoughts too well in my work. Dad was impressed at how thorough the assessment was. I'm glad most of all that I got a result, and that it was the result I was, in a way, hoping for.
So... now I just have to wait for the report to come through: I'm curious to read it. Mum gave me photocopies of the papers from my earlier assessments: I'd read the one from when I was 2 before, but this was the first time I'd seen the one from when I was 10. I read through them this afternoon: to be honest, if there'd been the understanding of Asperger's back then that there is now, I probably would have been diagnosed at 10, given the descriptions of what I've said, done, and the scores I gained on tests. It was interesting to read, it brought back a few memories of that time, and clarified some things I'd wondered about back then.
I'm happy. I really am. I'm not a 'borderline Aspie' anymore: to change the words of Pinocchio, "I'm a real Aspie!"
...I'm not sure why I wrote that in such an enthusiastic way. Up until this morning I was having second thoughts about going for the assessment - I went to bed fairly early last night, couldn't sleep, went back downstairs to talk to Cat about my worries about being assessed, then went back to bed and had a very restless night. Finally it was morning: I aimed to leave the house at 8.30am to be there for my 10am appointment, so I got up at 8, had breakfast, then chatted to Cat for a bit before leaving at 8.40. I hopped on a bus, mistakenly got off one stop too early, but still arrived with about 25 minutes to spare. So I kept walking, then turned back and went into the centre 10 minutes early.
The psychologist met me at reception when I entered (I was surprised that I didn't have to wait at all), and once I'd signed in and had been offered tea, we went to a small conference room. There she asked me if I was feeling nervous at all, I truthfully said that I was a little, she asked if it was due to the uncertainty of the assessment, I said that yes it was. Then she started talking me through what we'd be doing: as a psychology student, it was quite interesting. We started off by talking about how I'd be taking the WAIS test for intelligence, which would rate me in terms of separate areas. She said that people with Asperger's tend to be great in some areas but markedly low in others, which should be picked up on. She said that research suggests that the corpus callosum - the part of the brain which connects the two hemispheres - doesn't work as well in people with Asperger's as with the general population, sometimes resulting in a difference in skill levels. She also gave an interesting analogy for Asperger's: she described it as having the same hardware as a typical person, but different software, resulting in different functioning. I wonder more if it's the other way round: that having Asperger's is like trying to run the same software but having different hardware, so it doesn't always work properly and sometimes results in errors. I only thought about this when I got home, though, so wasn't able to share this thought with her.
The first task was block design: I was shown a picture, and had to recreate it with blocks which had all-white faces, all-red faces, and half-white-half-red faces. I used to enjoy playing with tangrams when I was younger, and found this quite easy. After that, I was given two words and asked to say how they were similar, e.g. 'apple' and 'banana'. They got more difficult, and soon I was struggling - I knew there was a difference, but couldn't get it into words very easily. After that I was shown a sequence, and asked to pick the picture that would complete the sequence, e.g. red square-white square-red square-what next? At the end of that task I was told I'd got them all correct, that made me smile. Then I was told to repeat back a string of numbers, from two digits up to nine digits, then to repeat the digits backwards, then to repeat them in numerical order (e.g. 1-2-3). For the next task, I was shown two pictures, and had to indicate if either of them appeared in a sequence of objects: the idea was to see how many of these I could get through in two minutes. Then I was asked to define words - again I had trouble with this, even though I almost always understood what the word meant. Then I was shown a picture of a shape, and asked to pick three smaller shapes (out of six options) that would make up the larger shape when put together. I was then shown a key where the numbers 1-9 related to a picture, and I had to draw the corresponding picture underneath a string of digits - again this was to see how many I could complete in two minutes. After that I was asked some mental maths questions - they were fairly easy - and finally I was asked some general knowledge questions. There were only two of which I had no idea: I hadn't known before that it takes 8 minutes for sunlight to reach the Earth's surface, or that the circumference of the Earth is just shy of 25,000 miles. You live and learn.
After that I filled in a sensory questionnaire, asking me to rate statements relating to my senses from 'almost never' to 'almost always', e.g. 'I enjoy wearing bright-coloured clothing'. I'm quite noise- and touch-sensitive, I'm less overly-taste-sensitive than I was before university, otherwise I think my senses are relatively normal.
Mum and Dad arrived for the second part of the assessment just as I'd finished the sensory questionnaire: we moved to a larger room so that there was enough room for the three of us and the psychologist. Mum had brought the papers from my previous assessments as a 2 and 10 year old, and the first part of the interview was Mum telling the psychologist my history up to this point, with Dad adding details. Then they were both asked specific questions about my behaviour and relationships as a child, as a teenager, and I was asked about my behaviours and perceptions now, with Mum and Dad giving more details and examples. I think this took about an hour and a half or so: it was quite difficult for me to hear what I'd been like when I was younger - I was a very difficult toddler, a difficult and inappropriately-behaved child, and an overly difficult-to-talk-to teenager. I like to think that now I'm a nice person, but it's taken a lot of work to get to this point. Still, as Mum later said, there are times to gloss over the details and say that they don't matter now, and there are times - like during assessments - when the painful (to me) truth needs to be said. What's most difficult is hearing my parents talk about the difficulties I have now: even though I really, really do try to overcome these, part of that involves acknowledging that I have difficulties with some things. My parents worry that because of the way I am, I could be taken advantage of: to be honest the same thought occurs to me, which worries me.
On an interesting note, at one point I was asked what my hobbies were, I included computer gaming. When asked what my favourite game was, I truthfully said The Sims: interestingly, the psychologist said that she'd have bet money that I'd say that. She explained that in the years she's worked with diagnostic services, most of the teenagers and young adults she's met have claimed The Sims to be their favourite game - much like young children claim Thomas the Tank Engine to be their favourite programme. I'd known about young children with Thomas (I for one would insist on watching the same episodes of Thomas over and over, and collected the little model trains and wanted nothing but models of Annie and Clarabel the coaches for my first-day-of-school present), but had never heard anything about young adults with The Sims - that intrigued me. I enjoy The Sims because to me, it's a socially acceptable dolls' house, and I absolutely loved acting out scenarios with my dolls.
At the end of the interview, the psychologist said that she'd support a diagnosis of mild Asperger's: she said that my intelligence has enabled me to find coping strategies, so I should and would be successful in life, and can clearly live independently, although in some areas I will probably need support. She said that she'd write up the report in the next few days and send it to me, and that with it she'd include a detailed report of my strengths and weaknesses based on the interviews and the tests, and also - this I like - a letter to be given to employers/lecturers/support services/etc, saying that I have Asperger's, that these are my strengths and weaknesses, and could they take these into consideration. Mum said that this is what she'd wanted most for me - that I'd have something to show employers, since I'll most likely have some sort of difficulty in the workplace with coworkers or understanding instructions, to say that there's a reason for my oddities. I think it could be useful to take to university, to show that there's a reason that I can't always express my thoughts too well in my work. Dad was impressed at how thorough the assessment was. I'm glad most of all that I got a result, and that it was the result I was, in a way, hoping for.
So... now I just have to wait for the report to come through: I'm curious to read it. Mum gave me photocopies of the papers from my earlier assessments: I'd read the one from when I was 2 before, but this was the first time I'd seen the one from when I was 10. I read through them this afternoon: to be honest, if there'd been the understanding of Asperger's back then that there is now, I probably would have been diagnosed at 10, given the descriptions of what I've said, done, and the scores I gained on tests. It was interesting to read, it brought back a few memories of that time, and clarified some things I'd wondered about back then.
I'm happy. I really am. I'm not a 'borderline Aspie' anymore: to change the words of Pinocchio, "I'm a real Aspie!"
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