Saturday, 25 June 2011


My exams ended today - it hasn't quite sunk in yet, though. Once my last exam ended and I had retrieved my rucksack from the storeroom, I headed to an indoors-picnic hosted by one of the university societies of which I am a member. I only joined a few months ago and have turned up to events maybe four times or so since then, so consequently I knew very few people.

Whenever I'm faced with a group of people who I don't know, I can't speak. Consequently I spent most of the time that I was there standing in a corner, listening to others speak but not feeling able to join in, and with my eyes darting from person to object. There were a couple of people who I knew, but we didn't talk for long. It was nobody's fault, the people did seem friendly - but I just couldn't join in. I spent a lot of the time looking at the clock wondering why I was there. I had a few one-to-ones with some people who asked me what my name was, that I could do - but once they started talking to someone else, I was back to standing silently. I stayed for an hour, then when there was a break in conversation I picked up my rucksack and said goodbye.

So... I have the feeling that the society members who I met today will think that I'm antisocial, and that the people who I knew before and have seen me as a chatty person will be quite confused with the way I acted. I really hope that nobody was offended by my not joining in: it's not that I wasn't interested, I just didn't feel a part of it. Maybe if I get to know more of the members in smaller groups, it'll be easier the next time there's a large event. Hopefully.

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