Friday, 23 September 2011

Telephones and the assessment

Earlier I called home, and had an hour-long chat with my mum. For the most part I dislike phone conversations, especially with people I don't know well - when my friends and I order food, I try to not be the one who has to phone and order (whenever the online ordering service doesn't work), and I'd prefer to send an email or text or handwritten note than call somebody with a message - I remember being about 9 years old and writing out exactly what I was going to say to a girl whose birthday party I couldn't attend, then not knowing what to say when she started speaking and I'd used all of the words on my piece of paper. On the other hand, if I want to talk to somebody rather than just deliver a message, then I quite enjoy speaking on the phone. I sometimes have trouble knowing what to say, though, and knowing whether or not it's my turn to speak. And sometimes when on the phone for a long time, I feel that I need a break - I guess with day-to-day conversations, I tend to do other things while talking to somebody, even if it's just turning away for a minute to put the kettle on, or going to fetch something, so I get 'breaks' from human contact that way.

On a side-note, I had the Lady Gaga song 'Telephone' stuck in my head for two of my exams last summer. This doesn't relate to anything other than the title in this blog post.

Anyway, while talking to Mum, she mentioned that my assessment is in a week's time. She accidentally said diagnosis rather than assessment - and this made me a bit worried. One of the reasons I'm still not sure about getting an assessment is this: what if I don't get the diagnosis that I'm (for want of a better term) hoping for? What if I'm told, at the end of the day, that I'm borderline, or 'normal'? Would that make the assessment a waste? Am I just failing at being, rather than having a condition that makes this so? I will admit that this does quite worry me. I guess we'll just have to wait and see - on the other hand, what if I'm told that I have more difficulties than I think I do? Am I possibly too 'different' to adapt successfully? (I like to think that while I don't fit in, I can and do adapt fairly well).

The psychologist who'll be doing the assessment asked me to bring along papers from my last assessments: Mum said that almost all of them are in boxes (my parents are moving house and have most of their things packed up), however she was preparing something which is coming along so far. I'm a little anxious as to what she means by this - is she listing my traits, or incidents where they've stood out? Is she listing my assessment history? I'd be quite anxious to hear this - sometimes I get anxious listening to stories from my past, especially if they involve large social blunders on my part (I think most people are like this, though). Rationally I shouldn't worry since anything I hear is bound to be something that I already know, or should be made aware of anyway.

It'll be nice seeing Mum and Dad again when they both come up for the assessment: I haven't seen them since I moved into my new house on 1st September. They won't be staying for long though, since they need to go home to look after the dog, and the journey up from where we live is fairly tiring.

The assessment will take place from 10.30am and will last until around 2 or 3pm, I was told. In the evening I'm going to a uni-friend's birthday party, I hope that I'll be happy enough by the assessment's result to enjoy myself fully in the evening.

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